Human life is short and so are the relations formed in its span. People meet, share a few emotions and go on to meet other people. Usually the memories remain, entwined with a hope of reconnection - a chance if Time provides - to update old memories with the latest version of that person in the next encounter.
To be stagnant is to be lifeless, and so the motion continues. Then, there is the counterparts’ unpredictable responses, doubt of the current them being backward compatible with what we expect, and finally an acceptance.
All of this, and a question – should the brevity be a pervasive realisation? Would it assist in living in the moment or just be the sword of Damocles, a fearful reminder about the impending separation that will follow every interaction? I do not have an answer right now.
Shy
I had been too afraid of dogs, and the campus did not provide an assurance of our safety in this regard. The possibility of a dog bite was an accepted consequence of passing through the Saraswati Mandir area, likened to wrath which may befall as and when the mighty nature deems right.
This danger remained but the fear greatly subsided when Shy arrived. As the name literally conveys, he was a shy dog and rarely barked. Being an outcast from the local pack, he had to cater to his own food arrangements. My friends were ambivalent towards him, and thus, before we could even notice, our chance encounter had turned into a ritual of him following us to places around the campus.
Food was a big challenge, involving availability as well as Shy’s tantrums. One would not expect a street dog to display likings and stick to them, you have to make do with whatever is available. Not Shy. This added another dimension to the situation for me – ethical questions. Feeding would make him too dependent upon us, and after all, that was also our last year at college. Not feeding him would just lead to starvation, he was already quite undernourished.
While I struggled with this dilemma, Kanishk stepped up (as he always did) and took over the guardianship, unabashedly and unapologetically feeding Shy. Originally, I was against this presumably spoiling habit, but could only succumb later on to feeding him secretly. I could not win a debate based on reasons, and scuttled away from circumstances that could lead to it. There was too little time to dwell upon this problem and as I later realised, I was too fixated on the thought of Shy being spoilt. He was able to manage on his own as well. When we visited the campus six months after leaving for the convocation, he was already hanging out with the pack that did not welcome him earlier.
There is another anecdote I wish to mention here. Once Shy got into one of our lecture halls and the professor called for the guard to chase him away. The possibilities ran amok in my mind and him being beaten was one of them. Before anyone else could act, I got up from my seat and carried Shy out, letting him escape the danger.
However trivial this incident might seem to you, for me it was an act of minuscule but significant bravery. Under influence of reasonable logic, given enough time, I doubt I would have acted in a similar way. Even then, time and again I have found myself acting on behalf of others, somebody I care for, in ways that defy my own behavioural expectations. I was indeed able to muster up the courage to act on those occasions. Thus, adding more substance to my belief - you never know how brave you are unless you actually face the situation, and it’s a ritual that can only be perfected over time. No need to be anxious, just be prepared and wait.
A joke went amongst us - maybe it's just the desire of a special companionship that attracted us all to Shy. Hearts filled to the brim and yet a dearth of love. All that he changed in me, and possibly in others, maybe those changes were already around the corner, and were just looking for an excuse, an enabler.
Anyway, the takeaway in two statements –
some of our engagements will change our perspectives forever.
some of them will unearth from within us the best we have – to be realised and promoted – and/or the worst – to be identified and struggled against.
Mending to Shy’s wounds when he was once injured, or waking up till the sunrise, sitting quietly in the balcony with him lying beside me are a few memories I look back to. I intently cherish those emotions of guardianship I was gifted with. I can’t know how he is right now, but I can only be content with the knowledge that he had some company the last time we met.
Sometimes I want to relive those experiences, but am also alarmed at this desire. History has lessons to offer and patterns to identify, but never a play to be repeated as it was. It will just be stale, a flavourless formality if there is repetition.
Lesson for me and a pattern to look for - conversion of fear into a definite bias for the Indian native breed.
Connections
The modes of communication have been fast-changing. Soon enough multiple such innovations will arrive whose necessity we do not even realise at present (more power to the innovators!!). At times I wonder, how it must have been in the past, when distance and separation were the norm.
This thought, rather strangely, has developed into my fascination for letters as a mode of interaction, where words find their judicious place only due to the trait of their conveyance, carefully thought upon and specifically chosen. Such words which carry a sense of commitment, deliver intent overtly or covertly, and even leave space for deeper deliberations. It’s such a beautiful medium, and might make a comeback in the future.
Technology has a massive role in these changes. It has been enabling as well as disruptive at the same time. While following the work of people whom we look up to has become easier, at the same time, people are also getting increasingly engrossed into what is being delivered to them, almost deprived of their free will and even choices. Extensive research by content platforms on recommendations and their optimal delivery will only aggravate the situation further. There will be an overdose of connections, almost an excess, and we will have to cautiously choose.
Today, we all are just a touch away from each other. Yet, a question still perplexes me - is meaningful engagement even possible, when the Time available at our disbursal has remained the same as in the past, while the interactions demanding our energy have drastically increased?
I asked Papaji, isn’t this too much as compared to the past? He did not get my apprehensions, and approved of social media along with the increased frequency of exchanges it offers. I did not get the answer I was looking for, the search will continue.
Anyway, what we are going through right now is total mess, maybe a phase of churn which will eventually settle. But again, entropy only increases and maybe there is no turning back.
Corporate Connections
Coming into corporate, I had long heard people talk about the utility of networking. But I also carried an aversion for this word - I had encountered a few “networkers” while at campus - and coincidently they all revolved around political agendas.
There was also this doubt - would it just be a selfish manufacture? Somewhere down the line I realised, it’s not just about me. If I seek the pleasure of someone’s intellect and company, I have the same to offer back. If it turns out to be rewarding for both the sides, then why not?
In fact, I want to know more brilliant individuals and engage in heartfelt conversations with them. Some of them might turn out to contain greater value, and value’s sense in its multiple dimensions, than I can even think of. I feel it’s an art, something I want to practice. I did not push myself soon enough for it, but even then, I carry the satisfaction of having made a bit of progress before work from home started, and that can certainly guide future efforts.
Conclusion
I keep telling myself, relations are not just about keeping in touch as a formal duty. They are for continuing with our conversations where we last left them.
The bonds that people share are but the bundle of smaller acts spread over an entire play.
The time we get to spend, the presence of a companion is something to relish in the present and derive satisfaction from in the future. And with a prayer, hoping that the playwright has planned a few more acts.
This piece wants the reader to relax, settle down and think. If you are confused about how things and relations turn out to be, something to do for it all to make sense would be to break free from the loop of validations - and revalidation – that some the changes or innovations might trap us in. There is no need to doubt so much, and to keep reconfirming everything. Have some faith in yourself as well as the people around you.
PS – This piece about Shy took three whole years and editing of a 3000+ words’ draft to be finalised. Meet Shy here - managed by Akshat & Ors.
PPS - I have written about relations sometime back in 2017. It’s an apt throwback.
In recommended reading - The Big Lessons From History by Morgan Housel.
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